Got money stress in the marriage during the holidays? Come New Year’s Eve, there may be a warm glow in the fireplace and glasses toasting the end of budgeting madness, but right now, I’d be willing to bet there are a lot of teeth are set on edge, just trying to get through the season.
That’s when it’s time to give each other the gift of a family business meeting. Give the gift of a trigger-free, non-reactive, non-emotional response around money. When it comes to cash flow and budget management, it’s the best thing you can do for your relationship, especially in times that stress the wallet. And it’s free. No matter how fast-paced the season gets, taking 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, to discuss money matters will take the pressure right out of spending, and will help you develop allies in each other, to feel loved and supported around challenge.
Put Money in Context
A business meeting sets the context for a financial conversation. It gives you the space and place to treat the business part of your relationship…like a business. It’s a constructive listening process that takes the relationship out of numbers talk.
During the week, table everything money-related that comes up. Have ever called your spouse at work and asked if they paid the credit card bill? Save it for the business meeting and keep money matters out of daily life. Then during the business meeting, talk about bill-paying, financial goal setting, ideas for budgeting. And treat the conversation like a business conversation. The idea is that you’re providing a container to bring both your business hats to the table, your problem-solving skills and your spouse’s. The more proficient you get at doing this, the less triggering money issues will be.
Financial Partners in Love
The business meeting can happen over the phone, at a coffee shop, at home. And you can call an emergency business meeting if necessary. Just ask your spouse to agree on a time with you and launch into the details only in the meeting. Then be prepared, like you would be at any meeting at which you contribute. Bring your list of discussion items. Treat each other like business partners rather than spouses. Check the emotions at the door.
The idea is that we don’t just set a budget together, we manage our lives together. When our financial framework is transparent and we’re both plugged into it, we are tuned into how to support each other, and we are freed up to relate in the rest of the areas of our lives.
