I read a man’s Twitter comment today that said: I am unemployed, they want to repossess both my cars, and there is no food in the house. I want to curl up and die.
Ugh. It is hard to read. Scary to feel. Maybe too close to home. But even in this man’s plight, he has to find some way to uncurl and find a meal, figure out what to do if the cars get taken. Is this his worst to come? Stress debilitates. Makes us feel tired and cut off at the knees. How are we supposed to get out of a financial hole if we can’t even move?
Much of the time, weariness or emotional paralysis from stress is fear. Resistance. It’s exhausting to carry the weight of “what-if.” What if I lose my house? What if I lose my job? What if my credit is ruined? But the fact is, crisis will keep tumbling around us if we don’t get a clear view of what’s in front of us now, and answer those questions in earnest. What IF I lose my house?
Get into Productive Motion
I listened to a distressed caller on Oprah say, “I’m broke. I can’t sit here and listen to Suze Orman tell me to stay positive.” At moments like these, there is a call to dig out, and shift perspective enough to get back into a forward, productive motion. Even if it’s hard. But how?
The heart of the exercise is this: Use the fear that is keeping you down to help you get unstuck. To move through resistance, turn what-if around to your favor.
Regular readers will recognize the Clarity Walk. It’s so good for gathering perspective, I developed it into the Clarity Talk. At each level you get stuck—from simple to catastrophic—you can use either one to get you focused. Focus inches you forward. Facing reality gains you ground to stand on. Use the Clarity Walk and the Clarity Talk to regain your balance when you have been financially shaken.
Clarity Walk the Problem
A walk is comprised of two parts: the way out, and the way back. Get yourself out the door. Then on the first half of your Clarity Walk, put the fear that is stressing you the most right in front of you. For instance, What if I lose my house? For each step you take, answer that question honestly. Lay bare every thought that comes to mind: I will lose my dignity. I will be homeless. My family will struggle more than they ever have. It will be cold … keep walking. State the worst that could happen till you get to a place of finality. Feel the fears as they surface.
When you have exhausted your fearful thoughts, head back home. This half of the walk back begins with a mind cleared of all your worst scenarios. Now you can let new perspective and possibilities emerge: If I lost my house, I could move into the neighbors’ rental. I could borrow money from family. I could move into my aunt’s Winnebago and live in her driveway till things come together. Keep stating what is true, or what you can reveal or say.
The possibilities may be spare in their nature. But you will discover what they mean to you. Suddenly, having made room for your creativity to kick in, you’re not so impossibly without a next move. You know what your resources are if the eventuality you fear occurs. And you may find that your dignity has more flexible boundaries than you once thought.
Clarity Talk the Solution
The Clarity Talk is the same practice, stationery, done with a friend or partner. The purpose is to get these fears out, said aloud, acknowledged. Have your listening partner hear out every one of your fears. Then, once you have exhausted them, have that person write down the possibilities that come to mind in the second half of your talk. That person is there to just listen while you talk, and then there to write down the positive ways you can move forward in the second have of the Clarity Talk.
The clarity practices redefine your fear. They allow you to get out from beneath your stress and really face the fear that is holding you back. Take a deep breath into those fears. Listen for what is logical and what is not. Then let them go so you can keep moving forward through crisis.
The solutions that arise could be things you never realized, from something as simple as closing credit lines, to something as complex as co-housing with neighbors. Whatever is there for you to manage, you can do it confidently once you have clarity about it. The walk and the talk give you back the feeling of being productive. They motivate and gets creative juices flowing even in crisis. Then you can ask: If personal financial change starts with me, where do I start?
