There is a general belief–or even hope–that saying “I love you” and doing nice things for your partner is enough to tend the relationship fire. But without communication skills to deal with fiscal crises and surprise events, relationships tend to suffer periodic collapse. The weekly family business meeting provides a fundamental system that helps a marriage or partnership flex with big changes or the sudden need to restructure.
The outline for the family business meeting can be applied to anyone in partnership: business, friends, marriage. Shared finances are made simpler by a regular business meeting, but you don’t need to be sharing finances to benefit from a weekly communication process. Set up a meeting with your beloved, and use the agenda outline below. Then let us know if your life together got a little better in the process.
Part I – Time
The business meeting takes place once per week. Set a recurring time and location in the calendar. For instance: Let’s meet at Peet’s Coffee every Wednesday from 9-10am. Alter the time or location as necessary, but keep the fixed item in your calendar, so you know you have that time carved out for each other weekly.
Part II – Business of Family
Whatever “Business of Family” means to you is up for discussion at this meeting.
- Review the family calendar and sync events, birthdays, soccer games and dance recitals.
- Discuss upcoming issues, like whether to renew ballet lessons, or what gift to get for Amanda’s wedding. Talk about any decisions you have to make together, and share any decisions you have made that affect the family or partnership.
- Talk about your youngest who has been waking up at night: Do you think it’s because he’s drinking milk too close to bedtime?
- Address every single intersection between you and the partnership, family, money, and calendar. Even if you don’t have to discuss it. Just bring it up. Have it be known.
Throughout the week, anything that comes up for discussion for the family business meeting, put it on a post-it note or a list and keep it in a Family Business Meeting file. Then bring the file to your meeting, and check off items, or make an action item for each entry as you discuss it.
Part III – Financial Picture
For the financial portion of your meeting, first review was has happened historically in the week: Last week, I said we would spend X, but I spent Y because I forgot to include dog food and we ran out of diapers. Have the conversation, then decide what to increase the budget to. Review any other budget and goal changes to see if you are on the same page, and add new items.
Part IV – Highs, Lows & Horn-Tooting
This is my favorite part of the meeting. This is where you and your partner get to say what worked for you last week and what didn’t. For instance, in business partnership you could say: It worked for me that you got back to that person so quickly. It worked for me that we got three new customers. It didn’t work for me that you waited till the end of the week to get back to them. In a family partnership you could say: It really worked for me that you brought flowers at the end of the week. Totally sparked me. It didn’t work for me that I work hard to keep the house clean and then you dropped your shoes in the hall. After that, it’s horn-tooting time. Honor your partner for being a fantastic partner this week: You were awesome. Thank you. Give gratitude to your spouse for honoring the family and marriage as having a life force of its own that needs tending to.
Part V – Adjourn
You’re done! Adjourn the meeting. If you have a need to bring up something up during the week, formalize it. Say: I need to call a meeting. I’m noticing Zoe is crying every day when she’s getting ready for school. What this does is let your spouse know you need to focus. He or she knows it’s a topic for which you require full attention.
Family business meetings let everything out. They are a place where you and your partner get to say what you need, and toot each others’ horns. They fulfill family needs and celebrate successes. We intersect in a million important ways in our lives. Addressing those intersections in a regular process, we stop worrying all week, wondering if he’ll notice we overspent, or hoping she doesn’t get mad that we didn’t take out the trash. Dealing with the business of family in the context of business decreases the overwhelm and lessens the stressful charge that often accompanies family maintenance.
